January 4, 2014.
Logan stayed with me later that night because I begged him to. I never wanted him to leave. Always, I wanted him with me, with our babies...
As we were watching TV that night, my back started bugging me again. It had been hurting for the last three or four days but the discomfort was very inconsistent. Dr. Brown indicated days earlier that if the back pain was coming and going consistently, then it was something to worry about. Because I mentioned the discomfort days prior, Dr. Brown had ordered a urine test to make sure I didn't have a UTI.
The longer I laid in bed that night, the more I tried to pay attention to the back pain. I told Logan that I felt it was coming and going and he encouraged me to get the nurse in there and ask if it was something to worry about. So I did. Sherry came in and I mentioned the situation. She felt around my lower back and hip area to get a better idea where the pain was coming from. She finally said that she thought it may be pain radiating from my hip area as I was laying on them all day. She also stated that the pain was in my very low back, and labor pain was usually felt a little bit higher.
I waited some more. Logan finally had to head home.
I tossed and turned for the next three hours trying to get rid of the pain. I called Sherry in two more times to ask more questions and to get some reassurance that things were okay. The last time I called Sherry in I specifically remember telling her that I was hurting pretty badly. She assessed things again and indicated that she still thought I was getting pain from laying on my hips so much. I then asked, "So, how do I know I'm not in labor? Isn't there a way to check?" She calmly said that she didn't think I was (in labor) but could call down to labor and delivery and have them come up and check on the NST machine for uterine activity. I hesitated for a moment, but quickly said "Yes, let's do that."
The nurse from L&D came up and placed the monitor on my belly. She asked me lots of questions and told me that she'd watch it for a couple minutes from downstairs. At this point I was laying flat on my back and things were very uncomfortable. I felt terrible pain coming and going. The NST machines numbers were indicating 12 and when a contraction came, would jump to 17 or 19. I laid there for what felt like 20 long minutes bumping the side of my bed with my fist to help deal with the pain. I still didn't believe that these were labor pains. They couldn't be. I still had four days until I reached 23 weeks.
I was getting nervous the longer I sat there.
I looked at the clock a number of times. It was REALLY early in the morning--about 4am.
The L&D nurse finally returned. I was happy to see her to get some answers. She walked right up to my bed and said, "Brooke, you are having contractions--contractions that are not normal this early in pregnancy." I was silent. Scared. She went on "I've called Dr. Barney (the on call doc from my OB office) and he wants me to check your cervix."
I sat there motionless. Still scared, but hopeful that she wouldn't feel anything progressing.
Only a few seconds later I heard the words I had dreaded for so long. "Brooke, you're coming with me. You are dilated to a six or seven." My heart sunk. Time stopped. My eyes closed. She did tell me that sometimes there are things that they can do, but deep down I knew what was about to happen.
I asked the nurse if my cerclage had just completely pulled out. She shook her head yes. I was sick. Sad. Scared. I immediately asked to call my husband. She said " Yes, I would if I were you."
And with that, I was being wheeled downstairs to labor and delivery. As the door shut behind us, I knew that it just may be the last time I'd be in that room with my little babies. I feared the worst.
