As if losing our babies wasn't difficult enough, Logan and I were informed by the hospital (as tactfully as possible) that we needed to make some decisions. I could not believe how promptly they needed these decisions made. I JUST lost my babies one day prior and they were already asking these questions?!?
We were not prepared for this. This was not what was supposed to happen. We were supposed to be pregnant still and we never thought it would come to this point. Logan and I are only 32 years old and we were already having to talk mortuaries, burial/plots, cremation and all the major decisions that come with losing a loved one. And, well, the fact that it was our beautiful twin babies, made this process even more heart wrenching.
We didn't know where to start. I didn't even want to start. I couldn't make phone calls because I would only cry. I couldn't handle these difficult decisions because they seemed so permanent. My parents offered their help, which we appreciated so much, but Logan and I also knew that this was something that we needed to do together, just us, for our babies.
In the two days following, we pondered, prayed and hoped for some direction--direction that would offer some peace. Well, we finally made some decisions. We decided to put our perfect babies in the hands of Larkin Mortuary.
In the coming days, Logan and I, along with my parents met with the mortuary to make final decisions. I didn't want to do it, but I absolutely wanted to make sure our babies were taken care of, that they received the best care and the best of everything. If I was unable to raise them and provide love and care for them as they grew up, then I would do it now. They were all I cared about and I wanted to make the right decisions...for them, and for us.
That day at the mortuary, we were escorted to a private room by Josh, the funeral director. Logan and I sat at a round table with him, while Mom and Dad sat in the chairs along the wall. During the meeting I was shocked that I was able to keep my emotions in check. I think I had cried enough over that last few days that I was running out of tears. When we were done, I was relieved. Relieved that it was over, relieved that we made some decisions and relieved that we felt good about those decisions.
Nervous though, for our next date on the calendar...the very last time we would see our babies.
