Hours after I had given birth to our babies, our nurse told me that I could keep our babies with us for as long as we wanted. That was total relief. I never wanted to let them go. I remember telling my mom that if for some reason I fell asleep (I was totally exhausted) that I DID NOT want them to take our babies to the hospitals morgue. I did not. I just couldn't do it. It seemed too dismal, too official.
Hours later, upon the shift change at the hospital, our new nurse kindly urged that the babies finally needed to be taken to the morgue at that point. I was devastated to say the least. I even remember feeling a little angry with her. She did however, tell me that I could request them back anytime I wanted and I knew that would definitely be happening. No question.
The late night quickly approached. I was planning on staying that night and then being released in the morning. When my nurse came in later though and asked why they were keeping me that night, I told her I didn't know. After some checking and a call to the doctor she found out that I was supposed to be getting a dose of antibiotics IV for 12 hours after the delivery, but in a miscommunication, that was not happening. Therefore, no need to stay.
I was so happy to be able to head home that very night. I was so sad that I would be leaving my babies at the hospital. You can never imagine what it feels like to leave your brand new babies behind, without their mama, without their daddy. It's heart wrenching and incredibly painful.
When I got the official word that I was being discharged, I requested immediately to have the babies brought to me and Logan. We needed to love them and tell them goodbye. That whole experience is one that was very private for us and one I will never forget. At that point, I was unsure if I'd ever see them again. My heart was broken.
After our special moment, we gathered our things (we had a lot!) and I changed into normal clothes. They felt weird. All I had worn the last three weeks was a hospital gown. I didn't even have any shoes. When it was finally time to leave, I sat in the wheelchair and Logan and I were headed out of L&D room #14. We were forced once again to leave our twin babies behind. I found it completely unfair and completely upsetting.
Little did I know that things would only get more difficult in the coming days.
