My extreme happiness dwindled weeks later and sheer terror set in.
I reached week six to seven in my pregnancy and the real difficulty began. I was still working my regular hours at this point. Over two weeks I was suffering with some bleeding (more than just spotting). Every time I saw it I wanted to die. Its the most terrible feeling ever.
I would call the fertility clinic each time to see what I needed to do. And honestly, I just needed some assurance. For the first little while they did not feel it necessary for me to come in as they indicated that what I was seeing was from the progesterone I was taking. Well, it got worse.
I went in for an ultrasound. I wasn't able to see my regular doctor, but was happy to see anyone who could tell me what was going on. She indicated that she could see a bleed on the ultrasound. I immediately started asking questions. What does this mean? What do I need to do? The doctor told me that there are two reasons you can bleed this early on in pregnancy. The first is called implantation bleeding, from the actual embryo implanting in the uterus and secondly, it can be from an impending miscarriage. There was no way to distinguish a difference.
Kill me now.
She told me that the fetuses were both alive and well. That gave me some relief.
All I could do is wait and start praying for the health of our babies and comfort for me. If everything was for not as this point, I don't know what I would do.
This process repeated itself days later. The nurse scheduled me to come in the next day (Saturday) for another ultrasound. She told me that if I had more bleeding that evening, like enough to soak three pads within an hour, to go to the emergency room.
My heart sunk. I was scared to death. I think she sensed the terror in my voice and said that she didn't think that would happen. Those words helped me more than she will ever know.
I made it through the night. Logan and I got up early that morning and headed back down to Pleasant Grove. Another ultrasound showed the exact same result as before. A slight bleed, babies were ok.
The next week at work, it got even worse. There was more and more than I had seen yet. I had to leave. I went in again for another ultrasound about two days later. I was hopeful that day because I had not seen any more bleeding over those two or so days. I was prepared for good news.
Nurse Brooke did the ultrasound. I immediately asked, " Is it gone?" She took a minute to look and the dreaded words came from her mouth. "Brooke, its gotten larger, and there is another spot starting." I couldn't believe it. It was at this point I realized the hardest part may not have been getting pregant, but is going to be keeping these sweet little babies.
Ugh. I was ordered at least another week of bedrest.
The bedrest was torture. It's just awful. But, I made it through. A week later Brooke told me the bleed was 100% gone. RELIEF!!
Because of this difficult time, Logan and I decided it would be best for me to quit my job and take it very easy. After all, we were vested in this process physically, emotionally, financially and in every other aspect you can think.
We needed success.
